This may sound like a slightly ironic headline but I am writing this post in celebration of all the bad advice I have received or have heard others receive over the years. This brings me to a very important point. Why do we spend so much time listening to others whose advice is really just a result of their own conditioning when there is a myriad of wisdom out there jut waiting to be explored??
So without further ado, here are my picks of the worst advice anyone could ever give you, along with some more inspired suggestions.
‘The best way to get over a past love is to move straight on to the next person.’
This was actually told to me by a man I was dating recently who, as I later found out, had started dating me as a way of getting over his previous girlfriend. Of course it didn’t work out and when I quizzed him about why he was doing something that obviously didn’t feel right to him, he replied that his friends had told him it was best to go out looking for a new ‘soul mate’ so he could quickly get over the last one.
Actually, the opposite is true. When you are serious about looking for your ‘ideal’ partner, someone who connects with you on a soul level, rather than just someone to fill a space, you actually need to clear the relationship energy around you, i.e. stop dating. If you have been having trouble attracting the right person because all of the wrong ones have been showing up and you don’t stop to re-evaluate the situation and do some soul work, how can the next one be any different. Staying out of the game for a while to think seriously about what you want, clears the old energy from around you. Taking the time to cut the cords that keep you attached to old partners and unsatisfying relationships will be far more productive than engaging in your old dating routines.
‘Job security is really important. Aim for a future that is secure.’
This is a classic one that parents tells us all the time. But here’s another take on that:
Placing security at the top of your wish list is basically admitting that your life is little more than a reaction to fear of the unknown so you have to have everything under control and never get involved in anything risky.
Well here’s what I think: God loves people who take risks.
Because it shows that you have faith both in yourself as a marvelous creation, and also that the universal power is out there working with you every step of the way. Don’t wait until you’re ready – do it before you are ready and leverage the momentum that comes from taking a big step.
This is exactly the advice I gave a friend of mine the other day when she told she was really unhappy in her teaching job and was desperate to develop her new hair and makeup business. She said that everyone else had told her that she was lucky to have a steady job that offered her security, which is true.
However, when I asked her, ‘How do you feel when you get up in the morning and know that you have to go to that job?’
Her reply was, ‘Terrible.’
Now I am not telling anyone here to go out and quit their job. Having a regular supply of money is a valuable resource that can be put to good use. However, any job that makes you feel terrible is putting you in a state in which it is really difficult to attract positive things. So even though you may value a regular paycheck, you should value yourself more. It’s a scary thought to let go of something so secure but by going for the better-feeling option, you put yourself in a state of flow, from which better things come until you get to a point where you never think about that paycheck ever again.
‘In order to succeed in life, you need to go to the best schools and invest a lot of time and money in your education.’
Actually, there is a lot of truth in the statement that you need to invest in your education. However, when most people give this advice, they have the concept of ‘education’ all wrong.
Before I go any further, I would like to add here that I am, in fact, an adult education teacher (with a Cambridge University teaching certificate to prove it). That’s right folks, I am engaged in the business of formal ‘book learnin’. So I can tell you first hand that as adults, we could all really benefit from some rewiring.
Now I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how rubbish most education systems around the world are (OK maybe with the exception of Finland). I could probably write a thesis on why this is the case (outdated post-industrial revolution mindset). I know from having spent a lot of time with adults in a learning setting that they have forgotten most of what they have learned. However, when it comes to the feelings, beliefs and the other forms of sub-conscious input they gained, most of these are still going strong.
With some people, up to 80% of my job is helping them reach a mental state where they believe acquiring this new skill is easy and setting realistic learning targets.
Now this may come as a surprise but some of the most-affected people went to some of the best schools but were often compared with others and developed feelings of inadequacy.
So what am I saying? I’m saying formal education is great but even the ‘best’ schools don’t do enough to prepare young people for success. They simply perpetuate the myth that nothing good happens without formal qualifications and lots of them.
Here’s is what I would say to someone who asked me for advice on this subject:
I would say finish high school and if you have a desire to study at university because you have found an area you FEEL passionate about, then go for that but along the way, do as much as possible to give yourself life experiences. Work part-time jobs, keep informed about the world, travel, volunteer, try new things and fail then write in your journal about them. Don’t forget that practical life skills are also important so learn to solve practical problems, invest time in your health, learn how to manage money, and most importantly, take a personal development course or find mentors who can help you get you mind in top working order. Because, although formal education helps, it is actually MINDSET that sets successful people apart.
I would like to conclude by saying that if you have followed this advice or given it on several occasions, it’s not all your fault. With our rational minds, we love to listen to advice that seems logical and reasonable. Our parents have been around a lot longer than us, so it seems logical to assume that they would have gathered a lot of wisdom along the way and we can learn a lot from their experience. In reality, they have probably been muddling around in the dark longer than we have and are still none-the-wiser about what’s really going on. In fact some of the worst advice I have ever heard has come from the previous generation, who are not only conditioned by their own environment but out-of-touch with this generation’s problems as well.
The same applies to the advice about meeting a soulmate. Of course it seems reasonable that the more people we meet, the more LIKELY we are to meet that special someone. It’s just statistics isn’t it?
The problem with inspired advice is that it often seems to run counter to our expectations of what good advice sounds like. But in fact, the best advice comes from within after you have you allowed yourself to connect with a higher source.
For me, the best advice comes from Abraham Hicks, who said this:
‘If we were standing in your physical shoes, when we went to bed at night, we would bask in the deliciousness of the bed and we would lie in appreciation of everything we could find to appreciate. We would bring ourselves into alignment through appreciation and deliberate focus and if we couldn’t find it there, we would go general enough until we find it and we would intend to sleep well and we would put forth the suggestion that when we awaken in the morning, we will feel refreshed and that tomorrow will be a day when much inspiration of things from the vortex will flow. We would then say I am happy to be awake in this physical body and I am looking forward to witnessing the evidence of my alignment.’
And that, my friends, is that.
Linda is a teacher, author and personal development fanatic who has lived in, loved and devoted a lot of her passion to the city of Istanbul for the last nine years. She writes about many personal development topics such as self-hypnosis, meditation, belief entrainment and mind programming on her blog, www.subliminalmindprogram.com, from which you can download a free e-book ‘Manifesting Tips From the Experts’. She also divides her attention between two cats.